Mystery Credits

It really is!

Someone is pretending to be me in this forum where I have been preparing to produce podcasts. I find it very upsetting - they are even inventing fake friends for me!

Here is a marvellous and wonderful thing for which I thank Lord Father Jesus God from the bottom of all my bursting heart of flame. The Seven Books of the Cockabindi is being sung in completion over Easter Week, and I have received an invitation to attend!

Here is the program of events, sent to me by the The Very Reverend Joshua Newland D.D.

THE COCKABINDI

A RARE CHANCE

EACH OF THE SEVEN BOOKS OF

THE COCKABINDI

SHALL BE SUNG BY THE MASSED

MALE FEMALE AND CHILDREN’S’ VOICES

OF THE

EAST SUSSEX GLOBAL ENSEMBLE

EACH NIGHT OF THE EASTER WEEK

EACH PERFORMANCE FOLLOWED BY
AN (OPTIONAL) 50 MINUTE LECTURE
BY A LEADING EXPERT

MONDAY – BOOK I –

The Flight to Heaven

“The Cockabindi and the Beaker People:
Origins of the Cockabindi?”
Professor Stephen Walls
(Oxford Centre for Archaeology)

TUESDAY – BOOK 2 –

Sophia negotiates for the key at the court of Astepheus. Alchrid is born.

“Why bother with the Cockabindi today?”
The very reverend Joshua newland d.d.


WEDNESDAY – BOOK 3

Portegale falls into disharmony with
Her husband rumbolt. The cosmic unravelling.

“Incursions in the Vaginal Cleft:
Gender Bending in the Cockabindi”
Doctor Sarah Huttance
(Chair of Prosthetic Paradigmatics, University of Sussex)

THURSDAY – BOOK 4

Alchrid and Sophia meet and distrust each other.
Zuthmul takes umbrage.

“Hyacinth, Humming-Bird and Hyacinthine:
Ruskin, Wilde and the Cockabindi Conspiracy”
Peter Ackroyd

FRIDAY – BOOK 5

Spring arrives


“Doughnut shaped time in prehistoric thought systems,
or, Did The Cockabindi Pre-Think Us?”
Professor Stephen Hawking

Saturday – Book 6

Astepheus and Rombolt drink together, then fight.
Sophia travels to the court of Portegale and sings
To her. Sophia intervenes between Astepheus and
Rumbolt. Portegale takes rumbolt aside and teaches him
the ways of peace. Astepheus proposes to Sophia but
is turned down. Ochrid sulks.

“Animal Cries in the Cockabindi”
David Attenborough

Sunday Book 7

Ochrid and Sophia are reconciled
The Construction of the Great Dome


“The Origins of Pop:
The COCKABINDI and the Beatles”
Paul Morley

As I my ministry does not permit me to save money except in order to render unto Caesar - or in my case, Arnold Schwarzenegger - I will have to see if I can raise the money for the air fare in order to attend. I can hardly wait!

What a lovely word that is!

I have a dear friend called Russel. He suffers from that terrible affliction , color-blindness. This means that although he is a devout worshipper of LORD FATHER JESUS GOD, his walls, floors, curtains, kitchen furniture are all failing in the respect of their co-ordination.

As an ordained interior decorator, in the same way that Jesus ate with sinners and made his bed with the unrighteous, I make it my duty to minister to Russel and others of his ilk in the area of his domestic environment. This usually involves a group of us meeting for prayers in his 1970s mid-orange lounge with dark brown trim, and a cream sofa that frankly we can only tell IS cream by lifting the seat and looking under the cushions. We don't like to do that often however. Some things must remain between you and LORD FATHER JESUS GOD.

Russel does put his trust in LORD FATHER JESUS GOD, and in our church, but sadly, not in himself. He is a jittery soul who cannot abide keeping his back to an open door, nor sit next to an open window. This may have something to do with his previous job in Atlantic City.

The other day and I told him: "As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live. To those in fear, everything rustles."

To me, just a few wise words, but to Russel, they meant everything.

Hello again, my dear friends and neighbours on this great ball of wonder we call Lord Father Jesus God's Earth. I have been so very busy doing God's work that over the past few weeks, I have failed in my commitment to write. Please accept my humble and sincere apologies.

"As our body cannot live without nourishment, so our soul cannot spiritually be kept alive without prayer" said St. Augustine, and this is what I have in mind for today.

How thrilled will Mr Buff be when he comes home tomorrow evening to find a great steaming bowl of prayer for his supper! How easily we will put aside our empty stomachs, and thinking of those less fortunate, sip instead the broth of contemplation. After prayer, we have our house chores to do, and then before we finally retire, maybe I will cook a nice chicken casserole for the Lindy Church Going Ladies Group. The smell should fill the house as we lie in bed, reminding us of the sacrifices we willingly make for Lord Father Jesus God, who made us flesh, but thankfully not meat.

That's all for now - I can hear my stomach rumbling and my prayers are stacked in neat slices by the bread bin. I love you all with my bursting heart of flame. May we all sleep hungry in my bed.

Iberian lynx in 'gravest danger' (BBC)

I remember once when I was only about six years old, wondering how God could possibly get into all the churches at once every Sunday, and I asked my Mom. "Why" she said "God is everywhere."

I was I admit a little scared at this. If LORD FATHER JESUS GOD was everywhere, then could I visit the lavatory without being spied on ? Mom explained to me that although we all sin, repenting sinners have nothing to fear from a loving God.

But if He was everywhere, then wasn't he really big ? Too big to fit into church ? And how come He can be that big and also get in the lavatory ? The logic of a six-year-old is a whirring machine.

Mom took me aside and said something to me then, which I now know to be a quote from Evelyn Underhill:

If God were small enough to be understood, He would not be big enough to be worshiped.

It's not the size of God that matters, it's the Love of God. From that time on, I prayed so hard whenever I went to answer nature's call, and you know I believe that is one prayer that has been answered, for I have never had a worry that I will be interrupted from that day to this, whatever the scale of my ablutions. And further, I am now lucky enough through doing His work to be able to sit on an electrically heated seat with a powered paper dispenser and warm air hand drier.

I love you all with my bursting heart of flame in this special festive time of joy.

When I first accepted my role as Spiritual Interior Decorator, realising that the colors and textures of a person's SOUL were as important as the place that they lived on the OUTSIDE, I was just 5 years old. I can still remember hearing the angelic voice as I told me of my future mission.

Pop Buff worked for a paint company and he used to keep old half-full (OPTIMISTIC!) paint cans out in a shed in the yard. We didn't have too much money in those days - this was before LORD FATHER JESUS GOD saw fit to remove the shackles of poverty from my family - and being a bored and restless little tyke, I soon found my way in there. I thought I had gone to heaven - all those colors, and some of the bendy lids just about leverable off if used all my bitty strength.

Mom kept house pretty good in those days, and I surely wanted to help. Somehow I just knew that the orange and yellow verticle stripes were maybe ok in a rustic kitchen, but throughout the whole house ? Nowhere does it say in the Good Book that you have to live in a demented candy box, no matter how poor you are or how visually challenged you may be. So with all my strength I lugged those cans of paint up to the porch and began my life's work.

When Pop came home he was mad, and angry at Mom too for letting me paint the house. But as she said, I maybe had gotten more on the floor and on my dress and in my hair than on the walls and ceiling, but at least there was no BAD intention in my heart. She quoted 1 Corinthians 14:20:

Brethren, do not be children in your thinking; be babes in evil, but in thinking be mature.

I guess he was attached to the orange and yellow and couldn't see the way the green horizontal gave the eye-level some respite. See, although he was a God-fearing man, he was color blind, as we realised after the road accident.

I love you all with my bursting heart of flame. May your dreams be beautiful shades of royal purple in this special time.

Read the Qur'an as long as you are attentive, but when you feel your attention slip, put the Book away.

-The Prophet Muhammad, as reported by Jundub bin Adb'Allah

Now I can't say that this is a WRONG SUGGESTION - CAN YOU ? How many times have you been reading the Good or Any Other Book in bed, or late at night, and found yourself waking up hours later with the BOOK on the floor, page lost, spectacles under the pillow, and a pool of drool forming on one collar bone ? I know it happens to me fairly frequently as the Mission takes it's toll on my Mortal Body.

SO - LET'S TAKE A TIP FROM ISLAM - these days a too often maligned religion but let us not forget they come from exactly the same roots as LORD FATHER JESUS GOD and the Jewish People - Don't Read Half Asleep.

You'll only find it hurts when you try it for real.

I love you all with my bursting heart of flame. May we all sleep dandy in your bed. But not with a book.

Isaiah 9:8-17

The LORD has sent a word against Jacob, and it will light upon Israel; and all the people will know, E'phraim and the inhabitants of Sama'ria, who say in pride and in arrogance of heart:

"The bricks have fallen, but we will build with dressed stones; the sycamores have been cut down, but we will put cedars in their place."

So the LORD raises adversaries against them, and stirs up their enemies. The Syrians on the east and the Philistines on the west devour Israel with open mouth. For all this his anger is not turned away and his hand is stretched out still. The people did not turn to him who smote them, nor seek the LORD of hosts.

So the LORD cut off from Israel head and tail, palm branch and reed in one day - the elder and honored man is the head, and the prophet who teaches lies is the tail; for those who lead this people lead them astray, and those who are led by them are swallowed up.

Therefore the LORD does not rejoice over their young men, and has no compassion on their fatherless and widows; for every one is godless and an evildoer, and every mouth speaks folly. For all this his anger is not turned away and his hand is stretched out still.

The interpretation of this has engaged scholars for over 2 thousand years. My Bible Study has revealed that this is a timely warning to ZIONISTS in the Middle East - if they believe their right to squat Palestine comes from LORD FATHER JESUS GOD, they also have to accept that LORD FATHER JESUS GOD wants them to suffer. They deserve it ! IT SAYS SO HERE, and in many other places in the Good Book. Now if they SHARED the land, there is still a chance for PEACE - for "..his anger is not turned away and his hand is stretched out still." Take the Hand.

NOTE ALSO that the SYCAMORES have been removed for a more pleasing woodtone - LORD FATHER JESUS GOD knows about INTERIOR DECOR.

I love you all with my bursting heart of flame. May we all sleep dandy in your bed.

Jesus cover me in pickle and jump on me ! Make a cheese sandwich of my lower limbs and gently fry me in syrup !

They wrote about it already ! See ?

I am not saying that I am original, like sin. I am not pretending I am anything deep, like my De-Chlorinated Non-Allergenic Baptising Pool - except about decorating, which is a subject upon which I am a veritable expert. But I will say this to you now in all sincerity: skirting boards are an old-fashioned and frankly appalling way to bring a wall down to the floor. RIGHT ?

WHATEVER YOU DO - if you have the tools and the right in law to remove them - DO SO.

Next post: picture rails and why they are an abomination in the sight of the Lord Father Jesus God.

I love you all with my bursting heart of flame. May we all sleep dandy in your bed.

Do not seek the fortune that greed gathers,
For its fruit is bitter in the day of enjoyment.

To protect his own prosperity from decline
One must not crave the property held by others.

-Tirukkural 18: 177-178

Excerpted from the Tirukkural, translated by Satguru Sivaya Subramuniyaswami. Copyright Himalayan Academy Publications, www.himalayanacademy.com.

These HIndu Philosophers did a lot of straight thinking about moral behaviour - some Young people today just imagine that they got stoned and went to Church Orgies ! Chance would be a fine thing eh ! When would they have found time for that, considering they were INVENTING THE VERY LANGUAGE WE SPEAK NOW with all associated concepts of Being and Divinity that continue to occupy pastors and scholars everywhere TO THIS DAY ??

DID YOU KNOW that REINCARNATION happens pretty much all the time in the Bible ? That it was considered PERFECTLY NORMAL that people would come back, especially Holy Men and Teachers ? READ about it here.

THE QUESTION I ASK IS: Would it help us to lead our lives if that were true? How are we to remember and apply the lessons learned in other lives once we are in this one? Without the Loving Guidance of LORD FATHER JESUS GOD we are still Lost in a Sea of Clashing Colors Tones and Textures.

I love you with all my bursting heart of flame. May we stir the paste until it thickens.